“Through the power of story, You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame speaks directly to the parts of our minds that most need to hear these messages. While our rational selves are busy learning the steps we can follow to unshame ourselves, our more tender parts get to experience what it feels like to be loved as we are.”
—Simona Vivi H, founder of The Center for Remothering and of reMothering.org

“In You Are Not Your Mother, author Karen C.L. Anderson unpacks the tricky territory of shame and how it can color your whole life and hold you back, unless you face it head on. Childhood can be a minefield of hurt, trauma, and shame both at school and at home with difficult parents. Anderson's revelatory courage in sharing her healing journey is inspiring and offers a roadmap to both mental health and the joy that comes from reclaiming your own life.”
—Becca Anderson, author of Badass Affirmations

“This is the book every daughter with a difficult mother needs. It is a wise, compassionate guide to liberating yourself from the stories your mother told you about who you are.
“Part poetry, part memoir, part savvy self-help book, Karen combines stories about the deep pain she has experienced in her relationship with her mother with simple tools you can use to help you dismantle and release the emotional grip a lifetime of being shamed creates in your heart and mind.
“If you have had a difficult relationship with your mother, you will recognize the feelings of internalized shame Karen so powerfully illustrates with the stories she shares, and you will know once and for all that you are not alone and that having complicated feelings about your mother is okay. “Karen is the wise voice you want whispering in your ear when shame knocks on your door, reminding you that you are so much more than your relationship with your mother.”
—Maggie Reyes, master certified marriage coach & bestselling author of The Questions for Couples Journal

“Powerful. Liberating. Soul food. This book is a journey of transgenerational healing and self-love. Beautifully written, it will awaken parts of your soul that you didn’t know were dormant.
“For anyone that has lived with shame, or feels like they lost themselves as a result of being in a dysfunctional relationship, this book will make you feel seen and understood and open doors to freedom and healing. It includes easy-to-follow, powerful exercises that will leave you wondering how you ever coped without them! Karen shows us how to release ourselves from the shackles of shame and step into the beauty and strength of our true selves—unashamedly and with deep self-love.
“Thank you, Karen, for showing me how to love myself again and reignite my inner spark.”
—Yasmin Kerkez, co-founder of Family Support Resources

“Both unflinching and compassionate, You Are Not Your Mother offers an unconventional perspective on how shame is passed down through our maternal lineage, and how women and those socialized as women can manage the often debilitating mind/body experience that is shame.”
—Kara Loewentheil, author of the upcoming book Take Back Your Break 

“If you talk mean to yourself, if you let the opinions of others govern your decisions, if you allow cultural expectations and your own history and judgments of others to impact your view of yourself…don’t let this book go until you finish it. This book feels like a life-affirming conversation with a trusted friend, the one that you know will tell you the truth, no matter how difficult AND beautiful it is.
“In the first part, I had to remind myself to breathe. The experiences were difficult because I recognized myself in so many of them.
“Through succinct, staccato style, I gather mighty threads that help me attach elements of shame and toss the whole mess in the trash. I can’t guess how many times I will give this book to people who are on their way to hack their own path to live without shame.
“And. Let me tell you how delightful it feels to say, ‘I am not my mother.’ ”
—Mary Anne Em Radmacher, author/artist

“This book invites you to be aware. You need that awareness as much as a conductor needs a score. Without that score, the orchestra will play poorly and we will not get music. Without awareness, you will repeat your pratfalls, retain your pain, never feel quite right, and, history tell us, harm the next generation. If you are not to be your mother, best open your eyes. This book is a gentle eye-opener.”
—Eric Maisel, bestselling author of Why Smart People Hurt and Redesign Your Mind 

“In her powerful new book, bestselling author and certified coach Karen C.L. Anderson offers readers an empowering yet practical plan of action to transform shame. Filled with reflective writing topics, mindset reboots, and meditative practices, the book lends hope to anyone struggling in their relationship with a maternal family member. Not only does Anderson share the techniques she has used in her decades of coaching, she pulls back the veil to reveal the difficult and fruitful work she did with her own narcissistic mother to overcome toxic habits, release her shame, and move into open-hearted acceptance. Bonus: it reads like poetry.”
—Nita Sweeney, bestselling author of Depression Hates a Moving Target

“Karen C.L. Anderson does an amazing job at taking the reader through the raw, vulnerable, and authentic parts of our human nature in You Are Not Your Mother. Through her vulnerability, I was able to see myself and not feel alone. The reader gets a clear snapshot of what generational shame looks like, how it's passed down, and what can be done about it. I found so much value in gaining awareness of the messages that are playing in my own head and the guideposts showing me how to create a new relationship with shame. This is a book that I would recommend to any mother or daughter.”
—Rachael Wolff, podcaster, speaker and author of Letters from a Better Me

“This book has a felt-sense all on its own. From page one, I witnessed the tender waves of my own shame emerge—raw and exposed—but then gently held and nurtured in a new way, as the love infused into each page began to soothe & shift the wounds of a lifetime. Karen’s writing is a beautiful blend of incredibly relatable personal experience and integrative body-based healing practices that will guide you to fall in love with the deeply human pieces of yourself, over and over again.”
—Samantha Johnson, trauma-centered somatic coach & founder of The Alchemy of Truth

“Anderson conducts a highly personal exploration of generational trauma and healing, particularly between mothers and daughters, and provides a compassionate approach to a sensitive topic that helps guide readers through what is an emotionally wrenching book. Her depictions of abuse, while not overly graphic, are still painful to read—which make them all the more necessary to air out in the open... With a unique blend of past memories and present struggles, conveyed in a mix of poetry and prose, this text, the author freely acknowledges, is not a clinical or scholarly look at the topic of female generational trauma. Instead, this book is for those who wish to be guided by someone who has experienced what they have experienced—someone to walk them through what has worked for her. A large part of what works for Anderson is recognizing the difficulties and ordeals that her own mother and grandmother went through. The traumas they experienced perpetuated the feelings of shame that they then handed down to the author—the exact same process that has occurred with so many women over countless generations: ‘The shame was so pervasive we couldn’t see it…it’s the water we have been swimming in for…ever. And it wasn’t ours.’ Anderson’s honesty and dedication to plumbing the depths of her own life provide advice and guidance for anyone who finds themselves in similar circumstances. While the subject matter itself may be heavy, the author’s empathy and kindness (both to her readers and herself) make this an important companion for those looking to escape from generational trauma.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“Karen C.L. Anderson begins her compassionate book so that we can safely recognize shaming through her—in a timeline of her life experiences in prose poetry, rhythmically punctuating the emotional beats of shock, hurt, freeze, erasure, and breakdown.
“As we further read, think, absorb, and realize the shame within us in stages of understanding, bringing us home to Self, Karen follows our thought processes and centers us in a conceptual framework with the tenderness of an embrace.
“It is in the practices that the brave-hearted work begins, as Karen guides us in many ways to express and objectify our shame through creative, interactive, multisensory activities that move our experiences outward. These lively, improvisational practices delight and challenge since we are free to select, develop, and share their transformative power.
“When we emerge from this deep journey of self-knowing in a reverse timeline with positive, life-affirming reflections of Karen’s experiences, we will have made the choice of worthiness, self-acceptance, and self-love, realizing that we are not perfect, but simply human.”
—Kate Farrell, author of Story Power: Secrets to Creating, Crafting, and Telling Memorable Stories