Money. Like it or not, no other factor so strongly drives our lives, hopes, dreams, and—as this hot-off-the- presses survey of American women and men found—our stress, as does cold hard cash. For many, the anxiety that surrounds money stems from not having enough. But once you get some, the stress doesn't stop: Women of all ages, education, and income levels report money as a top worry. Because really, money decides how we live—how well or how poorly. It influences our health, how we raise our kids, how we help our aging parents, and whether we can afford to expand our own horizons.

So why is it so hard for us—especially those of us with a decent and steady paycheck—to talk finances? "I find it fascinating that the more money you have, the less appropriate it is to talk about it," ELLE Agenda member and finance expert Mellody Hobson says.

Now that 40 percent of women in this country are primary breadwinners and pay equality is being openly debated by politicians local and national, the subject of money should no longer be taboo. And yet we're still hesitant to discuss it with our bosses, our colleagues, our friends, and even our partners. Perhaps if we could talk more openly and admit that money—not just creative or intellectual fulfillment or whatever other emotional benefit—is the main reason we work, we'd be in a better, more confident place to negotiate and believe in our own worth.

Four members of ELLE's Agenda board sound off on how women can break through the green ceiling.

F IS FOR FREEDOM

Soledad O'Brien, founder and president of Starfish Media Group

My mom never sat around and had a conversation about work-life balance. She would have just laughed, like, "Oh, isn't that cute! Don't I wish I had time to have that conversation! But I can't because I have a job and six kids." Work-life balance is a very different conversation than talking about, "Will you have enough money?" And not just, "Are you making enough?" but "Do you have enough?"

I didn't want to take a job that I didn't want.

We owe young women conversations about how it all works. I've talked with students about the "F--k You Fund" my husband and I have. When I started reporting, we saved every dime. I didn't want to take a job that I didn't want. The way to do that is to be sure that you are not paying more than you can afford. I was 26 years old and I said, "I just never want to be stuck because I'm wrenching myself into an expensive apartment or a big mortgage." It'll give you the ability when you want to move to something else to be able to do it. When I don't want to do a job, I say, "Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I so appreciated working here."

I tell young people: Make sure to find partners who are smart and ambitious, who will support you in your goals. Make sure you have an FU fund so that you don't have to do work that is soul-sucking. And make sure you really are very careful about living within your means. What you don't want to do is graduate with more debt than you need to. You have to be prepared to live with whatever kind of life is handed to you.

TIME-TRAVELING TO A RAISE

Jane Pratt, editor-in-chief of xoJane

As an employer, as much as you try to be fair, when people take the attitude of "I'm fine! Don't worry about me! I'm okay the way I am!" they don't get as much. I think it's also still considered a positive feminine trait to not cause people extra anxiety or stress or whatever. And as we're being caretakers in both of these ways [with career and family], it just won't work to do that. Sometimes it's easier for us to think in terms of our daughters, or of the next generation: How would we want them to handle this situation? Or what would we want them to be paid for this work? Sometimes it's easier to think that you're fighting for someone else, even when you're going in for your own salary negotiations. Almost go into an out-of-body experience.

"I WANT TO BE BIG"

Mellody Hobson, president of Ariel Investments

All the statistics show that the number of women who are heads of households has grown exponentially in the last couple decades. So if you're the head of a household, you think of money as your primary issue—just as a man would. [Personally], I did not want to continue to live a life where financial insecurity plagued me. Worrying about money does a lot of damage to you—not just psychologically but health-wise—and it affects your relationships. So I knew if I could solve that, it was going to solve a lot of things for me. Honestly, it's just being practical—this isn't some kind of wish list.

Women want to have fulfilling jobs, want to be able to move the needle in our companies or in our society, to be paid for our effort and output.

You have to be confident in your worth. I think that's one thing that is different between men and women: Men will fake it. When you understand your worth, you can demand that. Doesn't mean that you have to pound your fist into the table. It just means you won't settle for less.

My life is a miracle. I've exceeded my wildest expectations, but I was very, very deliberate about it. Whatever happens during your childhood totally sticks with you. I find that [sharing that] gives others great comfort, and it makes them speak their truth. My mother, who I loved dearly, did not like me talking about this. Oh, she hated when I did interviews and talked about us being evicted. She thought it was embarrassing and an indictment. For me, it just was. It had no value judgment around it. She did the best she could. This idea that you struggled doesn't mean you're dumb. It doesn't mean you're lazy. It doesn't mean you weren't trying hard or didn't have good intentions. When you get evicted and your phone gets turned off, there's nothing to be said—it just is. I could see and decide. I was so clear in envisioning the life I was going to have, I was like, "This will never be a worry for me." My mother used to say that when I was a child I used to say, "I want to be big."

I'm not feeling any guilt about working.

My daughter won't grow up the way I grew up, but I want her to hold onto those values of being self-sufficient, of understanding the value of money and understanding generosity and the need to give back to others, of being extraordinarily empathetic to those who are less fortunate. Understanding the value of a dollar is a personal value—understanding how hard people work to do what they do. That's why I wake up at 4a.m. I want her to see I work hard. My mother woke up really early, and I want my daughter to have that same sense of mission and real effort. I'm not feeling any guilt about working—I want her to one day love to do something, and to understand this conversation is an important conversation.

EXPOSING THE ELEPHANT
Alex Wagner, anchor of MSNBC's Now with Alex Wagner
I think part of the problem is a lack of transparency around how much everybody's getting paid, which is controversial. But that opacity creates stress and furthers a system where women don't feel like it's working for them. It's a lot harder to pay a woman less for the same work as a man if she knows it. It's a huge elephant in the room, how much our colleagues make. The other thing is looking out for other women. If you don't want to think about how much you're making, talk about how much the people underneath you are making. How much is that assistant producer making? As a leader, know the reality of their situation. Let's say your employer doesn't want you to talk about what your pay stub looks like; if you are in a management position where you are allowed to know what people are making or what the pay scales are, it's incumbent upon you to make sure people—regardless of gender—are getting a fair shake. It's certainly easier when it's not your salary you're talking about. Make the case for someone else who might be working their way up and say, "This person's really talented; let's get her where she needs to be."

It's a lot harder to pay a woman who's doing the same as a man less if she knows it.

Women also don't talk to their friends about money. It's really weird, for an issue that's so important and creates so much stress, that we don't ever tackle it in a head-on fashion. Everybody's basically the same age, has basically the same education, is basically at the same point in their careers; people will talk about their ovaries, about their husbands and their sex lives, but your paycheck? It's an issue that's totally taken off the table. You got that pair of shoes on sale...but how does that fit into the rest of your spending every month? Part of it is building a support system so you can go and have those conversations in the boardroom. Part of it is just opening the steam valve and letting out some of the concern and the frenzy of worry.

This article appears in the June 2015 issue of ELLE.